Four months ago, I did the math on sending both our kids to university in the UK. It would be about $200,000 a year, for three or four years.

I had no idea how we would do it.

Today, I'm writing this from the UK. I'm here helping my son settle in to his first year of university.

I'll tell you how it came together in a moment. But first, what I noticed along the way.

$30,000 is not always $30,000

Think about $30,000 of debt. Now think about $30,000 landing in your account as a bonus or as profit from a project.

It's the same number. But it doesn't feel the same.

Debt shows up in your body. Tight shoulders. A knot in your stomach. A 3 a.m. wake-up doing sums in your head.

Extra income feels lighter. You breathe out. You can think.

I've come to see that how we handle those feelings decides a lot about what we can build.

What I got wrong for years

Early in my career, I was completely dependent on other people for money. First my dad, then my husband, then my job.

I didn't track what I spent. I didn't understand my own pension fund. I had no idea what it really meant to provide for a family.

Then the café my husband and I quit our jobs to start failed and left us in serious debt. I went back to corporate for a smaller role and less pay just to get cashflow in to repay the debt and keep the lights on. Then I lost that job while being the sole provider.

For years, I was stuck in resentment. Someone else should be taking care of this. They should be paying me more.

It took me a long time to see what those years were really teaching me. I learned to track every dollar. I learned to ask what return I was getting on anything I spent money on. I learned to find solutions when the money wasn't there.

And each time my income went up, something new showed up to test it. First it was a $5,000 surprise, then $10,000, then $15,000. Each one taught me I could handle a bit more.

The bigger lesson

Most financial advice says to live within your means. Spend less. Save more.

There's some truth in that. But I don't want to shrink my life to fit a small number. I'd rather grow the number.

If you want the life that a bigger income brings, you also have to grow your ability to handle it. The higher expenses. The bigger decisions. The uncertainty of not knowing yet how it will work out.

The math is the easy part. You can get an expert or an AI to run it for you. The harder part is staying steady when the number feels too big.

How it came together

Back to how we managed to send our kids to university overseas.

My husband and I bought freehold property in Singapore years ago. It was a real stretch at the time, but it was always part of the plan for retirement and the kids' education.

I wasn't planning on selling our property so soon. But the timing and the price were right. And we sold. That released the cash we needed.

I didn't know how I'd raise the money at the start. So I did what I always try to do now. I stayed curious. I talked to people. I kept my eyes open. And I worked hard not to let panic make my decisions.

When you're panicking, you make panic decisions. When you're curious, you see options you'd otherwise miss.

One thing to try this week

Pick one financial goal. Write down the number.

Notice what happens in your body when you look at it.

Then ask yourself one question: What would I need to learn, or get comfortable with, to handle this number?

It might be tracking your spending. It might be talking to someone who's done it. It might be asking for more money at work.

You don't need the whole plan. You just need the next step that's right in front of you.

Hit reply and tell me what number you wrote down. I read every response.

Sharon

P.S. I go deeper into all of this on this week's podcast episode. Listen on your favourite podcast player:

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