Hello Reader,

For years, bosses told me I was too quiet.

They meant well. They'd explain that if I didn't speak up more, people would think I was aloof, unapproachable, or simply lacking confidence. None of those were good options. I knew it, but knowing it didn't make it any easier to open my mouth in a meeting.

As a child, I was praised for keeping myself busy in my own corner and not bothering the adults, and in primary school I spent five years in the B class, never quite making it into the A class where the "smart" kids went. By the time I started my first job as an economics research analyst, I had decided that the safest place for me was behind a computer screen.

Then I had to present my research to senior industry and government leaders. The dry run bombed. My boss frowned, sighed and shook her head the whole way through, then told me to rework all of it. I spent hours preparing and the real presentation went well, but the fear stayed with me for years. So I chose roles where I could stick to what I did well. Reading, analysing and writing, and staying in the background.

What changed

What finally moved me wasn't confidence. It was pressure. We were repaying a six-figure debt from a café my husband and I had started and closed, and I wanted to give my children the life I'd always pictured for them. My career and salary had stagnated in a role that felt safe.

Eventually, the pressure to change became greater than my fear of speaking up, and I took a role I'd avoided for years, one that meant talking to business leaders, running meetings and presenting. It came with a 41% increase in my salary. I didn't have to negotiate it. It was simply what that bigger role paid.

While in that role, the fear didn't go away. But each time I spoke up while afraid, I collected a little more evidence that I could do it. Over time, that evidence added up. I asked my employer to sponsor my coaching certification and got it, and I pitched for and won budget to automate a training process. Years later, after a restructure, I said yes to a talent development role that meant facilitating leadership workshops and speaking all the time. It turned out to be where my strengths were.

What I see from inside HR

Having sat in talent reviews for years, I can tell you that quiet people often become invisible. When an opportunity comes up, leaders think of the people whose ideas they've heard, and if they've never heard yours, they won't think of you, however good your work is. I see the same pattern in the workshops I facilitate, where capable people stay silent because they're worried about what their boss or colleagues will think.

The thing I feared most, standing up and speaking to a room, is now the part of my work I enjoy most. I've come to believe that fear often points to a strength you haven't used yet, and that the opportunities you've been waiting for are often on the other side of it.

Try this

The next time you hesitate in a meeting, notice what's happening in your body. For me, it's a tight, aching throat and ringing ears, and it still happens when I have a big presentation or am delivering a new program for the first time. Noticing it doesn't make it disappear, but it's the first step to calming it, rather than letting it decide for you.

Then ask yourself, "What might this fear be pointing me to?"

If you'd like help with what comes next, I've put together a free guide, What to Say When You Want to Speak Up. It has the exact words for five common meeting moments, and a simple way to calm your nerves when the fear shows up.

Have a great week!

Sharon